Crunching the Numbers
Updated: Jul 11
Have you ever wondered who the "average client" is?
Truth be told, they are as diverse as the collection of panties in my underwear drawer... All different shapes, sizes, colours and variations. Just out of curiosity, I decided to keep a running tally of my bookings over a period of time: a quantitative research project if you will. I think it would be a little too crass to tell you exactly how many men I sleep with each week, but I will use rough percentages (to the nearest 5%) to give a good picture of what my encounters are generally like.
To collect this data, the sample consisted of my bookings from the first 4 weeks of 2019.
Here are the results...
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45% of clients made me cum; 55% did not.
In saying that, I don’t have to cum each and every time. That’s not the goal, and I can still genuinely enjoy the sex without reaching the big O.
75% of clients went down on me.
Well aren’t you a generous bunch of guys!?
45% of clients engaged in a bit of rimming (on me).
I’m not sure what has caused this sudden surge in popularity… All I know is that I'm certainly grateful for it. Keep it coming gentlemen!
60% of clients were satisfied with 1 round per booking; 35% went for 2 rounds; and 5% opted for a non-penetration booking.
Bookings that don’t involve sex are quite rare in the escorting world, however they do occasionally crop up, and they can actually be quite refreshing. A lack of sex does not have to be associated with a lack of intimacy. Stimulating connections and sparkling conversation are sometimes a very welcome substitute for sex.
5% of clients booked 30 minutes; 10% booked 45 minutes; 60% booked 1 hour; 10% booked 1.5 hours; 10% booked 2 hours; and 5% booked 2.5 hours.
These stats would have looked very different a couple of months ago. Last year, I think at least 70% of my bookings would have been 30-minute ones. But after revising my pricing structure, I'm now doing far less of the shorter bookings. I’m loving this shift, because in my opinion 30 minutes is hardly enough time to enjoy the foreplay and the main event. I'd hate to have to choose one or the other. So, I think an hour (minimum) is ideal.
70% of my bookings were with clients I had already seen before; 30% were with newbies.
While I love meeting new gentlemen from time to time, I’m really happy with the regular client base I have built up. I think that sex often gets better and better each time that I see someone. The more we get to know each other, the better we become at fulfilling each other’s desires and pushing all the right buttons. I’ve recently taken steps to ensure that I prioritise my regulars even more. I now only advertise intermittently so that I am accepting fewer new clients. I just hate having to tell my regulars that I’m fully booked, so I’m trying to keep more spots available for them.
Of the new clients I took on, 5% were added to my Blacklist.
When I agree to see a new client, it means that I’ve used my spidey-senses to tell me that he is a friendly, kind and respectful man. My instincts rarely steer me wrong and my newbies usually turn out to be lovely gentlemen who I'm delighted to spend time with. But occasionally things don’t go to plan. Sometimes I find myself walking them to the door after our encounter and kissing them goodbye, but inside I’m thinking to myself that I never want to see them again. Sometimes these men are bigoted, chauvinistic or just flat-out rude. But more often than not, they don’t actually have bad intentions, only misguided expectations of the service I provide. I am a sensual, affectionate girlfriend experience service provider, and I market myself as such. I am not a porn-star experience service provider. Maybe they didn’t take the time to read my advertising, and they just assumed that anything goes. Or maybe they did read my advertising and were fully aware of my boundaries but intentionally chose to ignore them. One thing is for certain… if you attempt to dominate me, hurt me or be rough with me, that will be the last time that I see you.
Only 20% of clients did not mention their relationship status.
Of the clients who did disclose their relationship status, 60% reported that they were single, and 40% reported that they were married or in a relationship.
As a general rule, there are three topics that I try to avoid in the bedroom: Politics, Religion, and Relationship Status. It’s none of my business whether you have a wife or girlfriend, and I’ve been doing this long enough to know that asking that question is not an example of acceptable pillow-talk. However, although I never ask, most guys are quite forthcoming about it and they open up willingly. To me that says a lot about the trust and vulnerability that develops between an escort and her clients.
20% of clients were under 30 years old; 50% were 30 – 40 years old; 15% were 40 – 50 years old; and 15% were 50+ years old.
10% of clients booked a girlfriend experience with extras; 90% of clients booked a standard girlfriend experience.
95% of clients stayed to cuddle and chat after the sex; only 5% left immediately after they finished.
Who says men only want one thing? Some of the most memorable enlightening conversations unfold post-coitus. It’s when endorphins are up and guards are down. Basking in our intimacy after sex is like the cherry on top of a delicious sundae. It leaves us both feeling all warm and fuzzy inside and ready to face whatever the day throws at us.
100% of clients kissed me.
It didn't happen in this sample of clients, but occasionally I will get a client who expresses that they would prefer not to kiss me. Usually this comes down to a hygiene concern for them. I’m not going to lie, that does offend me a little given that I pride myself on having high standards of cleanliness and sexual health. I handle it with grace, however I’m unlikely to take a booking with them again, because for me, kissing is a major part of the passion and connection. It’s also my go-to ice-breaker.
25% of bookings involved sex toys.
I wouldn't mind if this stat was a little higher to be honest. Don't be shy guys. Ask to see my drawer full of gadgets and toys. It's a whole new world of fun I promise. If you’ve read my last blog, you’d have seen that throughout February and March you can add a toy show onto the girlfriend experience for no extra cost.
10% of clients required a close fit condom (small); 55% required a regular size; 20% required a large size; and 15% required an extra-large size.
30% of clients were circumcised; 70% were uncircumcised.
Most of those who were circumcised, were either older men or immigrants. So, my little study supports the literature out there pertaining to a decline in circumcision in Australia in recent times. I know there's some controversy surrounding it, with words like “mutilation” and “child abuse” being thrown around. But I can't lie, I do enjoy a nice cut cock. I guess I just like to see everything I'm working with out in the open.
65% of clients were Aussie; 15% were Indian; 10% were Asian; 5% were British; and 5% were Middle Eastern.
I always get asked about the nationalities of my clientele. Everyone seems to want to know if I'm fucking my way through the entire United Nations of punters. The truth is, I love the fact that my sex life encompasses all colours of the rainbow. With all the hate in the world, it's uplifting that at least between the sheets it's nothing but love and acceptance. And I love that being with my clients teaches me about new cultures. Each has their own tinted lens through which they view passion and sensuality. Yet in many ways we are all the same. After all, don’t we all just yearn to connect with one another?
65% of my clients were blue-collar workers; 35% were white-collar.
If male ejaculation is the finish-line: 30% of finish-lines were in missionary position; 25% were in doggy style; 25% were in cowgirl; 15% were from hand relief and cum on breasts; and 5% were from a covered blowjob.
I’m actually surprised doggy style didn’t win by a landslide. But there you go.
20% of clients gave me a massage.
How fantastic is my job that sometimes I actually get paid to get pampered!? How did I get so lucky?
5% of clients offered a cash tip.
Tipping is not expected whatsoever. After all, escorts already charge premium rates for their services. It’s just an extra lovely bonus whenever it does happen.
25% of clients arrived for their booking with gifts in tow.
This says a lot about how amazing my clients are. If only my ex-boyfriends had treated me like a Princess the way you guys do. It honestly makes me feel so special and appreciated. You guys are the best! Perfumes, choccies, Midori, flowers, and dinners are just some of the thoughtful gifts I’ve received this month. I’m a very spoilt girl indeed!
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That’s a wrap guys. As you can see, there’s really no such thing as the “average client.” So, embrace your uniqueness. Because my job would certainly be quite boring if you were all the same. As they say, “life is about using the whole box of crayons”… And by crayons, I’m pretty sure they mean penises.