Myth-Busters

Each time I sit down at my computer to write a new blog, I always have the intention of writing about something different this time. Something unrelated to sex, or something to show readers a side of myself that isn’t attached to the sex industry. But each time I wind up talking about the very same. Could it be because my unconventional job is the most thrilling thing in my otherwise exceedingly normal life? Probably. But it’s more than that.

Before I entered the adult industry, it had always seemed like such an enchanting magical world for me. And in many ways, I guess it still is. From the outside looking in, I was drawn to every TV series, movie, blog and book that I could find on the topic. I actually have a very distinct memory of when this obsession all started. It was back when I was an undergrad. I used to walk right past a brothel on my way to the bus-stop to head off to uni each morning. I would stare at the flashing red lights in the window, transfixed by fantasies of what went on inside. In my mind’s eye, it was a hazy ecstasy-driven cacophony of supple naked bodies entwined between red velvet sheets; the air heavy with sweat and lust. As I rode the bus to uni, my boredom would have me conjuring up images of frantic orgies of pleasure and flesh. How exciting it must be to live out your days like that! It seemed to be in stark contrast to the dull dreary day laid before me, filled with classrooms and deadlines and dusty old textbooks. I day-dreamt of the shapely silhouette of a woman that was painted on the doors of that brothel. I would picture myself as that woman in those tall stiletto heels. I would imagine the ladies inside in their opulent bedrooms, carefully applying their makeup for the day ahead. Could I ever do what they do? Could I ever be so bold? Even now that I’m on the other side of the curtain, escorting is still a subject of much intrigue for me. So here we are again, another blog about escorting… But this time I want to dispel a few of the misconceptions that still flutter around the minds of some of the “normal folk.”

Myth Number 1: If my friend/sister/girlfriend/wife/daughter were an escort, I would definitely know about it. There’s no way she’d get away with hiding it.

Hmmm… Are you sure about that? What do you consider the tell-tale signs of an escort? Do we have a scarlet letter ‘A’ painted on our chests? Are you expecting to see condoms spilling out of our handbags at any given moment? Do we walk around day-to-day in latex fuck-me-boots and red lipstick?

The truth is, an escort learns very early on that discretion and anonymity are her bread and butter. Most of us have successfully maintained a double-life for several years, unbeknownst to even our closest friends. As a client, you have the privilege of seeing an escort when she’s dressed to the nines. Makeup carefully applied, hair styled to perfection, tits pushed up to the sky, inhibitions left meandering at the door. Every detail is designed to draw your attention. But in the real world, outside of the confines of a booking, she is the girl doing everything she can to slip under the radar.

She’s the girl studying in the library with her hair in a messy bun and her reading-glasses on. You wouldn’t have the foggiest idea that she’s hiding F-cup breasts under that baggy sweater. She’s the girl that doesn’t flash her money around or wear designer labels. If you see her in a bar or a night-club, her sex appeal is still alluring, but it’s more subdued than the other women; more contained. Not only is she likely to be dressed more modestly, but you will also get the sense that her desire for you is not as blatant or obvious as other women. Don’t expect her to behave like a nymphomaniac or to throw herself at every gentleman suitor. She’s probably not the girl going home with the guy she just met. After all, one-night-stands are counter-intuitive; it’s like going into the office on your day off with every intention of working for free. Escorts become experts at clearing their browser history, you will never even know she has a second mobile phone, and she might even work perfectly normal hours (we don’t always lurk in the shadows at night). We are the masters of disguise. In fact, if escorting doesn’t pan out, I could probably apply for a job as a secret agent next.

Myth Number 2: All escorts have Daddy Issues, or were hurt by a man in the past.

Wrong! I can’t speak for everyone, but I can certainly speak for myself and for the handful of girlfriends that I have in the industry. We’re not damaged goods. We entered into this industry because it’s fun and we love it! I don’t have any bad men in my life at all. No abusive boyfriend in the background, no pimp trying to sell me out on the corner, no drug-dealer bikie waiting in our trailer-park home. In fact, I have nothing but amazing positive male figures in my life. And my Dad is a wonderful, kind and beautiful man who has never expressed anything short of pride and love for me. I’m incredibly blessed.

I’m not a party girl, I don’t get black-out drunk, nor do I drown my sorrows in a crack pipe. I don’t even smoke cigarettes. There is no trauma or abuse in my childhood. No history of addiction (unless you count chocolate). I was not a troubled teen. I was a straight-A student who thrived on rules and authority. I rarely, if ever, rebelled. And while we’re at it… I’m not depressed. I don’t need a therapist. In fact, as far as my mental health goes, I am as stable and self-assured as any woman can be (although some men may say that’s not very stable at all). My decision to be an escort is not a cry for help. I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m just an escort. And I’m happy about it. I honestly don’t need saving. But hey, if you look like Clark Kent, you can still come and try if you like.

Myth Number 3: Escorts are rolling in cash. They couldn’t possibly have money problems.

As the late great Notorious B.I.G used to say, “Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems.” I won’t try to pretend that escorting hasn’t made my life much easier, or that it hasn’t helped lift my financial burdens significantly over the past two years. But that doesn’t mean money is no longer a concern. As anyone who’s climbed the career ladder can attest, money doesn’t solve everything. The higher you climb, the more pressure you feel to maintain a certain standard of living. Because as your income grows, so too does your lifestyle. We get used to spending what we earn, and so our expenses become elevated in-line with our earnings.

This business is also perpetually unpredictable. We become adept at rolling with the ebbs and flows. At times, I’m overwhelmed by the sheer volume of messages I receive, and at other times it’s like tumbleweed floating past a ghost-town and I start to wonder if maybe the phone signal dropped out days ago and hasn’t returned. On top of that, there’s the income tax, GST bills, and rent expenses, plus no superannuation, income protection, sick days or holiday pay. And of course, there’s the ever-so-inconvenient no-shows that throw a spanner in the works. As a fail-safe, I try to always keep a little rainy-day fund (I call it my “buffer”) for just in case. Just in case I get my period and have to cancel a week of bookings. Just in case I get tonsillitis and my throat can no longer accommodate foreign objects. Just in case my dog decides to swallow the batteries from the TV remote and I have to fork out a massive vet bill. Just in case there’s a quiet week where no man wants to fuck me… Just in case hell freezes over.

Myth Number 4: You could never trust an ex-escort to be faithful. Once a whore, always a whore.

I think the best way for me to rebut this one is with an example of an amazing young woman I know. Let’s call her Angel. Angel is in her mid-20’s, she’s a gorgeous leggy blonde, and she’s one of the sweetest, most innocent people I have ever met in my life. She’s a loving wife, and an absolute Super-Mum to her two young children. By day, you can find her apron-clad in the kitchen, baking gluten-free brownies (from scratch!) for her son’s lunchbox. Or maybe even dressed up in a fairy tutu and tiara, hosting a birthday party for her daughter’s entire class. She’s the kind of Mum you see on TV commercials; glossy and wholesome. But Angel’s husband recently suffered a horrible spinal injury and has been left bed-ridden and out of work. So, by night, Angel works at a brothel to help make ends meet and to provide for her family.

Or how about one of my best friends, Jade Rose? Back in the day we used to make men’s dreams come true, with a threesome so hot you’d want to tell your grandkids about it. But she met a man, made a commitment to him, she left the industry for love, and she’s never looked back. Even despite everything she had to give up and the financial struggles she endured, his trust meant more to her and so she happily turned the page, ready to embark on their new life together.

As for me, once I leave the industry, I do plan on telling my future husband about my past. I would like to hope that this information won’t discredit my expectation to receive nothing but honesty and respect from him. Nor does it give him the right to cheat on me, or be lax with his commitment to be faithful. I don’t want an open relationship. I’m a monogamist. I want an enduring eternal love and I deserve that, regardless of my past. What I do right now does not define who I am, nor will it define who I become in the future. And if he’s the One, he will understand that being an escort was not a mistake. It was not an error in judgement, or some kind of rebellious phase I was going through. It is not something I am ashamed of. It was something that was really good for me, and it’s what I wanted and needed at the time – just as he will be what I want and need at that future point in time.

Myth Number 5: Escorting takes a toll on the body. A girl will lose her tightness down there if she stays in the game too long.

Where do I even begin with this sheer buffoonery!? I’m always dumbfounded by the ignorance of statements like this. I’m not sure where this idea comes from, that a girl can get “loose” from having sex. Is it a warning designed to dissuade girls from being promiscuous and to encourage them to save themselves for marriage? Or is it a myth designed to fluff men’s collective egos by exaggerating the size of their cocks and their ability to stretch out entire body parts beyond repair? It’s actually hilariously ludicrous if you really think about it.

Let’s do a little math… Woman-A has sex with her husband once a day for a week. (Good on her!) Woman-B has sex with a different man each night for a week. (Shame on her!) Both women have had sex a total of 7 times. Yet magically woman-A has retained her original tightness, whereas woman-B is stretched out due to her immense sluttiness. Come on guys. Really? Is it because woman-B has had several different cock sizes and her pussy is now changing size to accommodate them? Has Woman-A’s pussy miraculously conformed to her husband’s size because she is receiving a consistent cock each night? Has her pussy moulded into the perfect customised shape to grip his cock and his cock alone? Sorry to burst your bubble, but I can assure you it has not. What a bizarre form of logic.

If the math doesn’t convince you. Maybe the biology will. If a woman can birth a skull the size of a small melon and return to her original state, what hope does a cock have of stretching her out beyond repair? The vagina is made of skin and muscle; it’s what we call “soft tissue.” It contains collagen and elastin, substances which allow it to stretch out but then bounce back to its original structure.

Okay yes, escorting can take its toll in the sense that if a guy is particularly rough and uncoordinated he could cause small skin tears, bruising, swelling or inflammation. But these will not change the anatomy long-term. And a high-class escort who knows her worth, will not allow a man to fuck her like this anyway. That shit belongs at home in your basement with your sex-doll; it’s not how you pleasure a real-life woman. Similarly, a high-class escort will see a low volume of clients. We won’t see 10 clients back-to-back for heaven’s sake. In the interest of full transparency, by “low volume” I mean 3 clients spread out evenly over a 24-hour period. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been in relationships where I’ve had sex with my significant other at least that many times a night. Was that bad for my pussy too?

To the gym-junkies amongst you, here’s an argument just for you guys. Orgasms are like a work-out for our pelvic floor. We’re literally exercising those muscles; pumping blood to the area and squeezing and contracting those muscles over and over, low load with high reps. It’s resistance training for the va-jay-jay! Logic says this will make us stronger and tighter over time, not looser.

Bottom line, if she feels like she just got “looser,” it’s likely that she just got wetter and more relaxed (AKA she’s aroused). It’s a good thing. Stop making her feel bad about it. And get this dark-ages notion out of your head that her “width” is somehow proportional to her sexual experience. We are all built differently. It’s genetics. Just like your cock size. How would you like it if women had a misguided notion that small penises were a sign of man-whore behaviour? As though too much sex can shrink your cock. As though all of the pressure and friction of sex squeezes it down and whittles away at it, until it resembles the size of your big toe. What a load of baloney!

Myth Number 6: All escorts are atheists. It’s unlikely that you could be religious and also choose this line of work.

I don’t know about you, but for me, showing humanity, compassion and decency, rank far higher than an intact chastity belt. And to me chasteness and sexual purity are not synonymous with virtue and integrity. You can be a good person and also have a healthy sexual appetite. You can be a God-fearing man or woman, and still indulge in the pleasures of the flesh. On the flip side, you can also be a virgin who is cruel and unkind.

To me, consensual adult sex is not something to shake our heads at and disapprove of. It shouldn’t be a question of morality. Especially when there are so many more ethical and moral dilemmas in our society that we should focus our attention on. Why is everyone so offended by sex? I know what the bible says about pre-marital sex and promiscuity. I get it. But in this day and age, I believe you can be religious without subscribing to the doctrine quite so literally. You may have had it drummed into you by some strict religious fanatics growing up, but that does not make it Gospel (or at least, that doesn’t make it true). This is the 21st century. Our modern world is a far cry from Israel Circa 50 A.D (save for the fact that Jesus-beards and gladiator sandals are as fashionable now as they ever were). I believe that religion should adapt with the times, and with the hearts, desires, and contexts of people’s lives. If religion wasn’t meant to mould to the shape of this brave new world, then we might as well all join the Amish right now, bonnets and all.

I do, in fact, consider myself a believer and a person of faith. I subscribe to a Higher Power; I received my holy sacraments growing up; I attend mass (albeit sporadically); and I turn to God in times of happiness and in times of tribulation. I won’t go into any more detail than that, as my spirituality is generally something I like to keep private. It’s a personal journey and I’m no preacher. But in case you were wondering, I can tell you that I have actually crossed the threshold into a church many-a-time, and what do you know? I didn’t burst into flames for being an evil wicked temptress. But does this really surprise you given the world we live in? You only have to turn on the News to see the atrocities being carried out throughout the world. If getting paid for sex is a sin, then I think it’s pretty far down on the totem pole of God’s list of things to smite people for.

No discussion about escorting and religion would be complete, without a reference to rumoured prostitute Mary Magdalene. So here it is. The Lovely Miss M: part-time whore, part-time friend and follower of Jesus himself. Proof that you really can do both! But go ahead and refute it with an equally ancient piece of evidence from Ye Old Book if it makes you feel righteous and contented to do so. I believe in God and I do try my best to do what’s right and to live my life in a way that both He and I can be proud of. However, I also happen to enjoy frequent orgasms. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Thanks for reading guys!

Love always,

Jasmine x