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  • Writer's pictureJasmine Lane

Surprise Me... Or Don't

Updated: Jul 11, 2020

Nobody’s perfect. There are character flaws in all of us. And one of my weaknesses is that I can be a little petulant, some might even say bratty, and I get bored very easily. That's why one of the things I love most about being an escort, is that no two bookings are ever the same. Every day is new and exciting. I’ve held down this job for far longer than any of my other jobs before it, and it’s no wonder why. Variety is the spice of life after all… and I just love when things are spicy! This job never fails to keep me on my toes (or on my back for that matter). But while some surprises are welcomed… others have me a little mind-boggled.

Let me start with the good surprises first:

One thing that I still haven’t gotten used to, is how selfless and generous my amazing clients are. I know this shouldn’t surprise me, but every time I encounter a man who wants nothing more than to worship my body, I feel like I’ve just won the lottery. This probably still astonishes me because in my personal life, I’ve never had a boyfriend that was remotely interested in doing that for me. (I sure know how to pick ‘em don’t I?) Every man I had been with before I became an escort, seemed to have a one-track mind and just glossed straight past my needs altogether, which is ironic seeing as those men were getting it for free. Yet my clients are more than happy to adore every inch of me from head-to-toe, taking their time to kiss, caress, lick, nibble and rub. Meanwhile I’m internally screaming, “yes! Hallelujah! Treat me like a goddess dammit!" With delectable patience and purpose, they graze their fingers, lips and cock up and down my body, with extra special attention spent on all those erogenous zones. Their eyes are not on the finish-line; they’re caught up in enjoying every moment of the journey to get there. This slow onslaught of pleasure builds me up into such a passionate frenzy, that once we do eventually get to the main event, I cum hard and fast and there’s nothing stopping it.

Every so often, I experience a moment during a booking that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I’m talking about when a client unexpectedly gives me a light kiss on the forehead, eyelids, or nose during sex. The pure tenderness and affection of this ever-so-endearing act, almost takes my breath away for a moment. It really catches me off guard because it seems so “out of place” within the context of paid sex. It's the innocence of it that's so utterly disarming. Perhaps he did it subconsciously and hardly even noticed that he was doing it, but that’s what I like about it. It feels organic, natural, real. I know I sound like a hopeless romantic, but this spontaneous gesture has the power to instantly make me feel a deeper connection to my partner, as well as fostering feelings of trust, safety and security. (Also, please don’t all rush out and do this to me in every booking now that I’ve mentioned it. I only like it so much because it’s rare. It has to be genuine and spur-of-the-moment or else it loses its magic).

Just last week I stumbled upon a very nice surprise indeed (thank you to the regular who showed me this). What do you get when you combine really thick moisturising cream plus big strong hands donned in latex gloves? The most supercharged, erotic, intensely pleasurable massage EVER, that’s what! Who knew!? And how have I gone my entire adult life without knowing about this? I’m starting to see that there might be something to this whole latex-fetish idea. That massage was certainly enough to make me want to find out more.

They say it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for. And it’s true. It’s always a nice surprise when some of the most nervous clients turn out to be the ones that blow my freakin’ mind between the sheets. Sometimes it’s the guys that warn me beforehand that they’re not very sexually experienced, that just instinctively know exactly when, where and how to touch me. Is it an in-built intuition that they possess? Or does it come down to the fact that they listen more, and are more observant of my responses? I don’t know what it is, all I know is that you should never underestimate the shy ones.

Now for those surprises that I could probably do without:

(These are in no way meant to offend guys. I hope you can all see the funny side).

Picture this. You and me. Kissing passionately. Making out like horny teenagers. Just when it starts to get really hot and heavy, you lean close and whisper in my ear… "Stick out your tongue.” There’s a confused look on my face as I say, "Huh? Why?" To which you reply, "Because I want to suck on it." ....... Uh what? Can someone please tell me who invented this technique? And why has this sucking-on-tongues-thing caught on like wildfire? Since when is this how people kiss? I’m amazed at how often I find myself searching for a polite way to decline this request. Am I the only one that finds it plain weird, not to mention completely unsexy?

Here’s another scenario for you. Imagine you have me bent over in doggy position. You’re gripping my waist as you plunge deep inside me, over and over again. But wait… you catch a glimpse of my breasts in the mirror, swaying back and forth in time with our rhythm. You can’t help yourself. You reach around and grab me by the boobs, yanking on them like handlebars on a motorcycle. There’s two reasons why this is not a nice surprise; (1) It bloody hurts. They’re attached. That’s tissue you’re ripping. (2) This is how I’d imagine a farm-animal feels. Are you trying to milk me babe?

Another surprise I’m not too keen on… that moment when we’ve just fallen back to earth after a mind-blowing orgasm, and without a word of warning, you whip your cock out of me quicker than lightning. Nothing makes me *face-palm* more. Did you forget about the condom babe? We probably should have held onto it as you eased out of me. But now I’m faced with the intrepid “bathroom-squat-dance” to try to fish it out. Kind of puts a dampener on the hot sex we just had.

I always have a bit of a giggle when a client hops out of the shower after getting all fresh and clean, only to put his underwear back on again before venturing out of the bathroom. It’s always a little surprising because (a) your undies are dirty, you’ve just defeated the purpose of showering, and (b) what’s with the modesty? Do you know what would be a much better surprise? Bursting out of the bathroom with your cock proud and unashamed. Allow your junk to be free like the majestic giraffe that it is! A confident man is a sexy man. We wanna see it guys. It excites me to watch it dong around this way and that, as you walk to the bed. Don’t deny me this simple joy.

“Would you like a massage Jasmine?” Music to my ears! I would love one. I stretch out luxuriously in preparation for my pampering. Except, Ouch! Heavy-handed much!? This is not what I had in mind. All at once it feels like I’m being pummelled like a punching bag. Are you trying to break my ribs babe? I love your enthusiasm, but a woman’s musculature is not built like a man’s. I happen to bruise like a peach. Please don’t kneed my body like dough. I’m a delicate flower; I’m as soft as a feather. Please don’t rough-house me. This is not WWE.

Okay this one baffles me... Hickies. I’m shocked that YOU’RE shocked that I don't want one. No, it doesn’t mean I have a boyfriend. It’s just that I’m not that fond of unsightly burst blood vessels on my skin. Plus, (bizarrely) I do actually have a life outside of escorting and my uni classmates, friends and family really don't need to witness the evidence of my promiscuity. What I do is private. Sue me for wanting to keep it that way. Leaving your mark on me is territorial and possessive, and quite frankly, you’re violating my trust if you do it on purpose without my consent.

Now that you've put up with all of my whinging and ranting, I better make it up to you. Come and visit me soon and I promise to show you nothing but the good kind of surprises.


Jasmine xxx


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