Let’s talk about orgasms. From the very first time we experience one, most of us spend the rest of our lives chasing after the next one. They’re like the game that never gets old. For me, it’s like this naughty little guilty pleasure; like my own personal source of happiness that I keep hidden away, only to take it out of its box and enjoy it when I’m most in need of a treat. It’s the most carefree, playful and fun-filled pastime in our adult lives! Nothing sparks joy in me quite like an orgasm.
One of the reasons they never lose their charm, is that for a woman, each orgasm is unique. No two are ever the same. But for the sake of clarity, I will try to group them into a broad set of categories. These are the types of orgasms I have experienced in my life, from the little tickles, up to the earth-shattering, mind-numbing eruptions…
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This is the one I usually have when I’m on my own with a super-speed vibrator. It’s the one where I’m short on time and I just want the quick release. Short but oh so sweet!
The Stubborn One
This is the one where I’m really tired, there’s been too much friction and I’m a little numb and desensitised down there. It’s when we’ve been going at it for a while and I’m just not sure if I’m going to get there, but I still really really want to. Eventually, if I do make it over the line, it’s just a feeling of absolute relief. It’s like I’m satisfied but I’m also done for the day and I’ve had enough. I’m sure you guys can relate. Sometimes when you’ve already cum and you’re trying for a second round, you’ve really got to work at it. It can be so incredibly frustrating. Sometimes you can’t get there at all, but if you do, all you’re able to feel is relief and nothing much else beyond that.
The Backdoor-Action Orgasm vs. The Tushee Orgasm
They sound the same but there’s actually a distinct difference. One is still clit-driven and is brief yet extremely powerful; this is the Back-Door Action Orgasm. It’s essentially a regular clitoral orgasm, but with a finger or a vibrator in the back to speed things along. And oh does it ever speed things along! Maybe a little too quick actually. Like blink-and-you’ll-miss-it kinda quick. The other one is an anal orgasm with no involvement of the clit, although it does result in vaginal contractions and pulsing (due to the pussy being adjacent and all). This is a pure Tushee Orgasm. I suspect it may be just an alternate route to the G-Spot, like a short-cut or something. But since the front and the back kind of share a wall, then it makes sense really. If there was such a thing as a bad orgasm, I would say that these two get the wooden-spoon. All of the other orgasms leave a warm comforting afterglow, but these two leave me feeling a bit cold and unfulfilled. It’s all over so quick, I sometimes feel a little cheated. But hey, a sub-standard orgasm is still better than no orgasm at all right?
The Hood Orgasm vs. The Glans Orgasm
These are different suburbs, but in the same post code. The hood of the clitoris (or the prepuce) is just that, a literal hood. But what’s under the hood? Tucked away under the fold is a little magical cluster of nerves called the glans. Now if you directly massage the glans, that’s how you get a super efficient, no-fuss-no-muss clitoral orgasm. But if you move a little higher up on the hood, right at the junction of the tops of the labia minora, you can actually indirectly stimulate the glans from there, enough to achieve a full orgasm. Not only are these two orgasms geographically different, but each feels distinctly different in its own right. I’m not sure how to explain it, but I would imagine that the clitoral hood kinda feels similar to the frenulum of your cock. It definitely has some sensitivity to it, but perhaps a little bit less than the ridge around the head of your cock (which would of course be akin to the glans of the clitoris).
The Blended Orgasm
This is really just a clitoral orgasm, but with the added bonus of vaginal penetration. The penetration does little to bring on the main event, but once it’s underway, it’s just extra nice to have that feeling of fullness. It’s like an extra layer of satisfaction to feel something inside while I’m clenching and squeezing away in ecstasy. The best way to achieve the one-two-punch combo of a blended orgasm? Either getting fucked in doggy while I play with my clit, or with a nice hard glass dildo inside and a little bullet vibe on my clit.
The Holistic Orgasm
This one is mainly about some good old-fashioned breast massage, plus throw in a little bit of nipple sucking, thigh caressing and feet licking. Not every guy has the dedication to go all out with this one. But let me tell you, for the ones who show up with gusto, a barely-there touch of the clit is enough to give me an orgasm that can only be described as a whole-body experience.
The Wet Dream (for her)
These happen once in a blue moon. Actually, even less than that. More like once in a solar eclipse. They’re truly a rare gem. Completely hands-free, not a single touch necessary. Maybe this is what having sex with a ghost feels like. There’s nothing touching my pussy but the air around me, yet I could swear there’s someone there. (In a sexy way, not a creepy way). Although these orgasms might technically be fuelled by my imagination, that doesn’t make them feel any less real.
The Sleeping Beauty
Unlike the wet dream, this one does require a helping hand. There’s definitely no love lost between me and my exes, but when I think about how they used to gently lull me awake with an orgasm, it makes me almost miss being in a relationship… almost. Is there anything better than being in that sweet limbo between dream-land and sleepy reality? To dance between the two as my arousal grows; I wish I could stay in that moment forever.
The Tantric Orgasm
This is the long-lasting one; the cross-country marathon. By delaying pleasure, and “edging” closer ever so tentatively, a woman is capable of having an orgasm for several minutes at a time. When I’m right in the pocket of one of these orgasms, I tend to lose track of time and space, and everything else really, but at a guesstimate I would say I’ve had one for about 12 minutes straight. Which doesn’t sound like a lot, but to be orgasming for that entire time, it feels like a blissful eternity.
The Domino Effect
Also known as “multiple orgasms.” These ones are like rolling hills. The trick is to build it up, then let it subside, build it up, then let it subside... And if the lady is given enough time to come all the way back down before building up again (what’s called a longer refractory period), then eventually these little domino orgasms can result in The Big-O (see below). But once it’s a Big-O, then it’s all over, curtains down, no more encores.
The Rarest One of All
The elusive internal orgasm; an orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. I went so long without ever experiencing one that I actually started to believe it was just a myth. That is, until the day that I had one. To this day, I’ve still only had one single lonely internal orgasm in my whole life. And I’m not even sure how it happened. It was at work with a client, someone I’d never seen before, so I know it wasn’t an emotional thing. And he wasn’t particularly well endowed so it wasn’t a case of reaching some deep spot that no one else had ever reached. His cock wasn’t bent like a banana, like they say is best for reaching the G-spot. We did use a lot of lube and it was in doggy, but it’s still a mystery to me. I can’t think of anything that he did that no one else has ever done. To be honest, I don’t think he even knew how monumental it was for me. He probably thought I was just fluffing his ego when I said it was the first time anyone ever made me cum like that. And I’m quite sure he didn’t do it on purpose or from some profound abundance of skill and experience. It was just one of those things where all the stars magically and accidentally aligned. A fluke I guess. Maybe it will never happen again. Maybe there was actually some unintentional clit stimulation going on and I just remember it wrong. Whatever it was, next time I will be prepared. If it were to ever happen again, I would grab a pen and start taking notes just so I knew exactly how to recreate it in future. But out of this entire list, the internal orgasm and the tushee orgasm are the only two that aren’t clit-driven. So, what’s the lesson here gentlemen? Hone in on that clit like a laser beacon, and don’t ever let it out of your sight. It’s your best chance at success.
The Interrupted One
These are some of the best ones! Maybe a guy is going to work on me but doesn’t realise I’m close, so he changes to something else. Except he’s inadvertently already just pushed me over the edge. Like the straw that broke the camel’s back, it’s the final stroke that has me plummeting out of control. Sometimes the guy looks a little confused because he’s changed tack and isn’t even touching me anymore and I’m rolling around on my lonesome, moaning and carrying on like a pork chop. To him, I’m just going off like a fire-cracker for seemingly no good reason. But see there’s no such thing as an interrupted orgasm really, because once it starts nothing can stop it. If he’s done enough to get me to the precipice, then the floodgates are open. There’s no putting the genie back in the bottle. This sometimes happens when I’m on my own too. I’ll be trying to practice my long drawn-out tantric orgasms, except sometimes I lack the self-restraint and I just go one stroke too far. Then try as I might, I can’t back-peddle away from the edge. I have no choice but to buckle up and enjoy the exhilarating ride.
I saved the best for last... This is the holy grail of orgasms. It’s the toe-curling, back-breaking, room-spinning, mind-blowing, white-knuckles, legs-shaking, earth-shattering extravaganza! It will have every single cell of my body screaming in unison, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” It’s exquisite, yet exhausting. In fact, usually I want to pass out right after. It’s the most intense, overwhelming, can’t-possibly-take-no-more explosion of indulgence and gratification. There’s always that moment when I think it can’t get any freaking better, but then it does. It just steamrolls right on and tops everything I imagined I could possibly feel. Each one of these orgasms is better than anything I can remember before it. It obliterates the competition. It’s like I want more, but at the same time I can’t take anymore, and then when I finally catapult over the edge, it just sweeps me along for the ride in this giant all-consuming wave of pleasure. It’s maybe the only time in my whole life where nothing else matters and my mind is completely clear. My muscles stop working, my body is no longer my own, and I just have to surrender the reigns and let it take its course. Nothing feels more blissful than letting go of control and feeling that complete release.
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I know I said the Big-O is the best but it’s actually quite impossible to choose a favourite. They’re all amazing! I only hope that I’ve made you guys green with envy hearing all the ways us ladies get to have our fun. But hey, we’re the ones that have to bleed for 7 days and endure childbirth. The least you can do is allow us this one perk, right? Or two, or three, or ten…