The No-Sugar Diet

I’ve just finished going back and forth over text message with yet another gentleman who has offered me the grand honour of becoming his sugar-baby. I really tried not to engage in the debate that unfolded, but for some reason, like many men before him, he just wouldn’t accept it when I politely declined. As they so often do, he spurred me on and challenged me to justify why his lifestyle was so utterly not for me. After what can only be described as a frustrating verbal ping-pong match, he has sparked me to write a blog about the sticky subject of SUGAR. It’s a topic I’m quite passionate about so please excuse me if some of this sounds a little heated or aggressive.

Escorts get approached all the time to start a sugar-daddy/sugar-baby relationship. And while some of them go ahead with it, I personally could not think of anything worse!

Gone are the days when sugar-arrangements were a melting pot of old wealthy men coupled with young supple girls. It’s not exclusively an age-related construct anymore. Some of the sugar-donors are not all that old, or that wealthy. Some are even women (sugar-mamas as they’re termed). And the sugar-acceptors are even more diverse. Sugar-relationships now come in all manner of variations, but at their core they are merely an exchange of payment for services. It’s really just like a more casual version of escorting except with the main difference being that the lines are blurry, boundaries aren’t clear, and no one really knows what they’re getting or how much they have to pay for it.

When I receive these offers, I explain to the budding sugar-daddies that my number one priority is being a full-time student, so as an escort I only take 5 or 6 bookings a week. It's a set amount that provides me with enough revenue to cover my mortgage, bills and expenses, while still allowing me ample time to focus on my studies. So, unless you are offering upwards of $2000 per week for only 5 hours of my company, then a sugar-arrangement is just not practical or convenient for me and it won't fit into my lifestyle.

As an escort, I’ve grown accustomed to receiving a fixed and predictable reward for a designated amount of time. As such, I would absolutely despise being underpaid or under-appreciated for my time. Because whichever way you spin it, it always comes down to time. Time is precious. And time is money. In a sugar-relationship, maybe the sexual demands are lighter than in escorting, but it’s the time that’s the real commodity. Escorting is a job. I work x amount of hours, I get x amount of dollars. It’s simple. It’s predictable. No muss, no fuss. I can plan my time, I can work around my study commitments and social engagements, and I can budget my money. It’s the dream! I’m independent and self-sufficient. I can’t imagine the alternative; feeling like someone owns me; like I’m at their beck and call around the clock; like they have the power to monopolise my time.

I find that men who approach an escort with offers of a sugar-relationship, are actually just trying to get a whole lot more, for a whole lot less. What they’re after is essentially just heavily discounted escorting services. I would much rather spend my time with my regular clients who visit each week or each fortnight, and exchange the same amount of money for the same services rendered. It makes more business-sense. I’m sorry to make it sound so sterile and rigid and business-like, because those of you who’ve spent time with me know that I’m anything but business-like in the bedroom. But it’s outside of the bedroom where I like to have – no scratch that – where I must have professional boundaries firmly in place.

Some potential sugar-daddies like to persuade and tempt their captors, like dangling a ball of yarn in front of a kitten. They throw out words like: shoe allowance, hair and manicure money, designer dresses. Firstly, most men wouldn’t know what a designer dress was if it hit them in the face. Secondly, I can’t pay my mortgage with shoes, unless I sell 4 pairs of Louboutin’s every month (and that would be borderline sacrilegious; once a shoe so exquisite finds its rightful home in my closet, it would be a crime to part with it). And thirdly, how shallow and vapid do you think us girls are? Contrary to my jokes about Louboutin’s, you can’t just throw us shiny things and our eyes will light up like a Christmas tree. Materialism is not the key to a woman’s heart. We are actually capable of being just as practical as men, and we have bills to pay on time before we worry about lavish extravagances.

Also, please stop with the “I just like to spoil a woman,” because none of you sugar-daddies are really that generous. Not considering what the girl is giving up for you. The sugar-baby always draws the short straw. Her “work load” often far surpasses whatever sugar is sprinkled her way. The idea is for it to be a mutually beneficial arrangement; that’s the very premise of it. Yet it hardly ever is. I know escorts who’ve done it, and career-babies who’ve put in 10 years with one daddy. They all say the same thing... The sugar-daddy always benefits more. He has his cake and he eats it too. And then he has his pastries, and then his ice-cream sundaes, and then every other dessert from the buffet, and best believe, he eats them all. It may look like the sugar-baby is getting nothing but lavish gifts and exotic getaways, but she’s actually always getting ripped off. The time and energy she invests is ten-fold compared to those gifts. And it’s the direction of power that’s the problem. A sugar-daddy has too much of it, and he will hold it over her head like a guillotine. In an escort-client relationship, things are far more equal. The power distribution is equal. Sure, the escort sets the do’s and don’ts, the price and so on, but the client has his requests too. Everything is arranged and agreed upon up front. Everyone knows where they stand. The expectations are as clear as day. It’s as honest a transaction as they come!

Here’s something else I can’t quite grasp. Many-a-sugar-daddy will proclaim, “I expect my sugar-baby to be exclusively mine.” Okay, if exclusivity is what you want, have you ever heard of a girlfriend? Why not get one of those? You can pick one up at your local supermarket for a lot cheaper than a sugar-baby. Is it because you feel the need to own someone and control them? To define them as your property, rather than as your equal? At least as an escort I have complete freedom. I can’t help but feel sympathy for those poor sugar-babies that are nothing more than caged little birdies with their beautiful wings clipped. I feel sad for them.

I couldn’t help but giggle when my ping-pong partner asked me, “wouldn’t you prefer to have just one sugar-daddy, than to be an escort and fuck multiple men each week?” Uhhh no. Believe it or not, I actually enjoy having multiple sex partners. (Shock horror. Someone call the morality police!) I love variety. I crave new and exciting sex. I hate getting stale or stagnant in the bedroom, or following a repetitive step-by-step colour-by-numbers recipe for sex. A sexual rut is the arch nemesis of my clitoris. It might as well shrivel up and fall off (sorry, that was a bit garish). But the truth is, when I mix it up and spend time with different men, it means I’m less likely to get sick of them. I am more patient with them, and I am able to embody the willing wanton sex goddess that every man dreams of. If I had a sugar-daddy, I’d give it about a month before I’d be sick of him and ready to run away to a new country, change my name and join witness protection just to avoid him. It’s not the time with the same man that’s the problem, because I’ve been in monogamous relationships before. And I have regular clients I’ve been seeing on an ongoing basis for years. It’s the psychological restrictions that are the problem. The mental warfare is what would make me feel stifled and suffocated. Good old sugar-daddy can say that it’s just casual; he can say that she can come and go as she pleases. But we all know that there’s an unspoken subtext that she’s his possession. He’s paid for her in the currency of stipends and gifts and no one knows how much of her that entitles him to.

Again, it’s because the boundaries are not clear. She doesn’t know how much she owes him. She only knows that she has to pay up! She must dole out her time and her body until the debt is repaid. For a sugar-baby, there would be some ambiguity as to whether or not she’s done enough to “earn” her financial allowance yet for that week. It is this aspect of the power struggle which I am most vehemently against. And it’s where escorting has the clear and obvious advantage. In escorting, he knows what he owes me, and I know what I owe him. Provided that everyone delivers what was agreed upon, everyone is happy. When you keep it simple, you keep it sexy!

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t tell you how much I enjoy taking off my stilettos at the end of the day, and taking off my “Jasmine hat” while I’m at it. I love that I can say goodbye to a client and then switch off from being Jasmine for a while. I get to go back to my studies and my family without strings attached. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. It’s a wonderful, glamorous escape from the mundaneness of being a regular girl, however I also equally love being that normal girl. I live a double-life, but the very separateness of those two lives is what allows each life to enhance the other. Being an escort is only so exhilarating because being my normal self can be so plain. And being my normal self is such a relief because being an escort can be such a thrill. They perfectly complement each other. My point is that as a sugar-baby, there is no separation of the two lives. They blend into one another. They overlap. And so they cannot exist with any kind of harmony. I think it’s fantastic that as an escort, I get to have days off. I don’t have to respond to “boyfriend-like” messages just trying to chat to me 24/7. I get a break from my clients, but also a break from Jasmine. It works perfectly for me. Sugar-babies aren’t afforded this down-time, and I think that fact alone would drive me up the wall.

In my opinion, the strict professional boundaries of escorting are a good thing! They are in place to protect everybody’s “real” lives. Escorting services are discreet arrangements where our privacy and anonymity are as safe as our hearts and emotions. Escorting exists within a bubble, and it should serve its purpose for both parties, but should not bleed into our unsuspecting home-lives. When I am not in my working apartment, I am not Jasmine anymore. I can drop my guard. I am a different girl with a normal life and I just want to be myself and not be reminded of my work. The real me is off limits to clients, and that’s the way I like it. Escorting is what I do, it is not who I am. Professional boundaries are the only thing standing in the way of escorting consuming my entire life and everyone else in it.

Another pearl of wisdom from my ping-pong partner: “A sugar-relationship’s appeal is that it fosters a deeper connection than escorting.” Sugar-daddies often claim that the lack of boundaries makes it more romantic, with more benefits and with genuine caring between the daddy and baby. They argue that being less structured with less rules, means you can go with the flow, and allow the passion to blossom. Firstly, that may be great for a woman who’s happy to just take it as it comes, but for ambitious women with a plan and a timeline in place, or for an escort who recognises that these relationships are a business, going with the flow is counterintuitive. An escort is a woman you are least likely to be able to take advantage of. She simply won’t allow it. Whereas for a woman who is a little more aimless and has no end-goal beyond simply enjoying the moment, perhaps a sugar-relationship is acceptable. Let me tell you, it would be an uphill battle to turn a goal-focused escort, into a go-with-the-flow sugar-baby. These sugar daddies are barking up the wrong tree with us. My advice to them is to just shop somewhere else! Secondly, I challenge you to find a relationship that’s more mutually beneficial than that of the escort-to-client. It’s the closest you can get to affection, intimacy and sensuality, without ulterior motives or the pressure to commit looming over your head, (or, heaven forbid, the entanglements of love creeping in).

I’m in a position now where 90% of clients I see, are regulars. Only 10% are newbies, and only a small portion of the newbies are men who don’t come back again (essentially one night stands). Let’s think about that for a second. How amazing is that? I’m an escort, yet I’m having fewer one night stands than most single girls my age. Most of my encounters are long-term ongoing frequent meet-ups with men I’ve gotten to know extremely well and who I genuinely care for. So, I ask you this… If a sugar-daddy can come to me claiming that he will pay $2000 every week to see me 2 or 3 times, then why won’t he just book me 2 or 3 times a week for a set time, with consistent financial parameters (i.e. an hourly rate)? I’ll tell you why... Because he wants more bang for his buck than that. He’s hoping for freebies. He wants the option of long drawn-out meetings with no countdown timer. He wants a booty call at the drop of a hat. He wants late-night phone sex. He wants nudes and frequent sexting. He wants me to cancel my other plans to accommodate him. He wants a play-thing who will jump at his every whim like a puppet on a string. He wants daily ego-fluffing. He wants to show me off like a trophy and wear me like arm-candy. He wants the challenge of making me fall for him. And above all he wants CONTROL.

Well you can keep your sugar... I don’t want it! Escorting is the sweetest dessert I’ll ever need.

J.L. xx