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  • Writer's pictureJasmine Lane

What I’ve Learnt About Men

Updated: Jul 11, 2020

Observations from between the sheets…

In here, it’s a level playing field

Social Status. Power. Success. Wealth… All factors that mean a lot out there, but in the bedroom, they count for squat! Once a man is stripped bare, standing in front of a woman he’s about to have sex with, those things really make very little difference. There’s no place for them within the realm of intimacy. And once those things are stripped back, what else do you have? What exactly are you bringing to the table (or rather, to the mattress)? Take my client who works at Dominos for example. He demonstrates the exact same neuroses in the bedroom, as my client who’s an esteemed politician. And the student at the very start of his career? He’s not at all dissimilar to the multimillionaire head of a national conglomerate. When they’re naked and in bed with a woman, men appear to share many of the same insecurities, worries, and uncertainties (not unlike us women). They all wonder if their size is okay. They all question if they’re doing it right. They are all sceptical about whether I’m really enjoying myself, or whether I’m just putting it on because I’m being paid. Some are better at hiding these fears; others have managed to silence them to nothing more than a quiet whisper after many years of sexual experience. But young or old, big or small, there seems to be this underlying sense of the “shared masculine experience.” Sexual aptitude has little to do with your career, the plaques on the wall, the zeroes in your bank account, or even your looks. When it comes to love-making, I believe it’s pretty much a level playing field. The way I see it, all men are made equal except for two defining traits: your level of passion, and your desire to give as well as take.

The minefield of the male ego

Out there amongst society, men tend to be burly, strong and stoic. But in the bedroom, their egos can suddenly become very fragile. You might be an assertive young gun in the boardroom, but in the bedroom, you need to be handled a little more carefully. The slightest hint of criticism can take the wind right out of a man’s sails, and the wood right out of his umm... tree. A throw-away comment like, “ooh babe you’re on my hair,” or “can we try something different now?” can be enough to shatter his entire libido. And heaven forbid his partner doesn’t achieve orgasm within the timeframe that he’d expect. Suddenly he assumes that it’s because of some fundamental lack of skill on his part. Men certainly aren’t immune to self-doubt when it comes to sex. But here’s my pep-talk: Your booking with an escort is the last place on earth in which you should be feeling self-conscious. If you choose, you actually never have to see this woman again. So why not just be yourself? Please don’t put so much pressure on yourself to “perform.” It’s not your responsibility to impress her, and chances are, she feels just as vulnerable as you do. This is the time for you to just have fun and relax. You two are new to each other, so of course you might not get it perfect the first time. Hiccups are par for the course. But you will hit your groove as long as you can communicate openly. When she says you’re on her hair, it’s just a gentle prompt. It’s not meant to be harsh, so please pay it no mind and keep doing everything else you’re doing. As for me, I've learnt that men require (and deserve) the same sensitivity as women have come to demand from men. It takes guts to bare your desires and pursue intimacy with a new lover, whether she's an escort or otherwise. The least we can do is be mindful and kind with our feedback.

There’s (almost) always two sides to the story

Nine out of ten men who cheat on their partners do it for a reason. Whether that reason is justifiable is not up to me to say, but we can’t pretend that his actions are not a reaction to something else. Usually, these men are seeking out that which they are lacking at home. Sometimes this is sexual; more often than not it is simply the intimacy, affection and tenderness they have been starved of for too long. Maybe they just want a lady to smile at them; someone who doesn’t look at them with disdain and resentment; someone who’s actually happy to see them when they walk through the door. While I don’t condone it, I do understand it. Unfortunately, there’s still that one man out of ten, who cheats because he feels that it is his right to. He is generally the same hypocritical man who would have his wife stoned in the streets if she so much as dared to be unfaithful to him. These are the men I cannot understand and I cannot respect. But thankfully, what I have learnt is that these men are the minority. Yes, a lot of married men seek my services, but the majority are good decent men. I could allow all this infidelity to shape my attitudes towards the institution of marriage in a negative way. I could have easily become very cynical and jaded. But if anything, this job has actually restored my faith in men and helped me to understand the complex nuances of trust within romantic relationships. I’m really grateful for this insight, and despite the harsh realities I’ve witnessed, I still look forward to being someone’s wife someday.

Magical makeovers for the soul

Remember that Snickers advert? “You’re not you when you’re hungry.” Well a man is not himself when he’s horny. It’s actually quite uncanny. I’ve seen clients do a total 180 after sex. It’s like they’ve had a complete personality transplant. Before we get down to business, they’re usually guarded, anxious and stand-offish. And rightly so! We’re strangers after all and it’s a nerve-wracking situation. But avoiding eye contact, lying stiff as a board, and almost recoiling in horror when I so much as touch them? Sometimes I wonder why they even booked me if they’re not interested in trying to connect with me… But after sex? Ahhhhh after sex... Suddenly they’re a great big teddy bear. It’s like the steaminess of the sex literally thaws their icy exterior. Nothing brings out the best in a man like sex. It’s like a makeover for the soul. They become warm, affectionate, easy-going and wonderful conversationalists. Their honesty and openness becomes so effortless after they’ve had a little bit of that magic medicine. It’s like life’s burdens have just been lifted off of their shoulders and now they can float through the rest of the week without a care in the world. Suddenly they're giving compliments left-right-and-centre, but not in a formal way like before. More like a best-friends-from-way-back kind of way. I guess the lesson here is that if you don’t like someone’s personality, you can save them the effort of getting a full lobotomy by just fucking them instead. They’ll be a completely new person, I swear!

The trait that makes men the fairer sex

Men are infinitely more gracious than women. Why? Because women have this one major flaw that (most) men lack… Envy. Now I know there are plenty of jealous, possessive men out there, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I don’t mean jealousy in the romantic sense. I mean that men don’t envy other men, or at least not to the extent that women envy other women. Men can be happy for each other when they score the great job, the new car or the hot girl. This is true regardless of whether the other man is a friend or a virtual stranger. Women on the other hand, can genuinely congratulate their girlfriends, however being happy for women we don’t know just isn’t so easy. It seems that we are wired to feel deeply threatened by women we view as our competitors. And yes, men can be competitive too, but rarely in a way that they tear each other down in order to build themselves up. They’re perfectly okay with other men doing well for themselves. Maybe it’s because there’s more room at “the top” for men; or at least plenty of room for every man who works for it. Maybe spots at the top are harder to come by for women due to years of oppression and unequal rights. But I am ashamed of us girls, and of myself, for the way that we fight tooth and nail against women we shouldn’t be fighting at all. We should be helping each other and lifting each other up; because envy only robs us of our own happiness. The only battle should be the one within ourselves, to do our own personal best without comparing ourselves to other women. This is especially true for the sex industry. There will always be an escort who is prettier, smarter, sexier and willing to do more for less. But from observing and admiring men, I have learnt that someone else’s admirable qualities, do not negate my own. You have taught me that I should focus my energy on being the very best version of myself, because that will always be enough.

~ ~ ~

I have a long way to go before I understand men completely, but thank you all for teaching me a thing or two.

Miss L x


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