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  • Writer's pictureJasmine Lane

When the Man Downstairs Won’t Cooperate

Updated: Jul 11, 2020

Being with a woman isn’t always the effortless movie-magic scene from your dreams. Sometimes you can be having a perfectly good time, getting all hot and heavy and down to business… and then Madame Biology rears her ugly head and raises her cruel hand just to ruin it all! Maybe she will taunt you by severing the connection between your brain and your cock. While the upstairs is raring to go, the downstairs is as flaccid as cooked spaghetti. Or maybe she’ll turn up the heat and put your arousal on full burn, causing it to bubble over before you’re ready for it to. Your lover’s bra has barely hit the floor, and you’re already covered in a warm sticky mess. Or maybe in an ironic twist, you’re blessed with a nice hard throbbing rod, but after what seems like hours of vigorous stimulation, there’s still no eruption in sight. You’re drier than a dessert; not even so much as a droplet of man-juice on the horizon. Yes, that Old Madame Biology can be a fickle and formidable foe, with a penchant for the poorest of timing. She’s the villain we never talk about, until the moment when she’s right upon us, wreaking her sadistic and wicked breed of havoc.

Sexual dysfunction can have many faces; erectile issues, premature ejaculation, or delayed ejaculation just to name a few. I won’t pretend to understand the sheer frustration bestowed upon men who have experienced these afflictions. And I won’t belittle you by dismissing how embarrassing and emasculating it can feel. But what I can do is assure you that it is extremely common. It literally does “happen to everyone,” and that’s not just a platitude I’m chucking out there to make you feel better. First and foremost, please know that as disheartening as it can be, you have nothing at all to be ashamed of. And any decent lady (escort or otherwise) will not think less of you as a man, or treat you with anything less than understanding and patience. If she does, then get rid of her ASAP, because frankly, who needs that kind of negativity and immaturity in their life?

My intention with this blog, is not to offer a cure-all… because there isn’t one. And I don’t proclaim to be an expert because (you’ll be pleased to know) I’ve never had a cock. I don’t know how to use one and I don’t know what it’s like when they misbehave or when they try to steer you through your life like a pirate at the helm. But what I do have in spades, is a track-record of “wins” against this most unpredictable of enemies. Sometimes Madame Biology is victorious, and I humbly accept the defeat, but more often than not, I am able to work as a team with my lover, to give her a run for her money. I have faced these problems many-a-time (both in my professional life and in my personal life) and they don’t intimidate me in the slightest anymore. By a process of trial-and-error (and my keen scientific observations), here are my top 5 tips for helping your trouser-soldier stand to attention and perform his corporal duties...

(1) Using a cock-ring can be super effective. It applies pressure at the base of your cock, constricting the blood vessels and keeping the blood pumping in your penis for longer so that it leaves more slowly. This can create a kind of pseudo-boner. With any luck, this will at least allow you to penetrate your lover, and hopefully once you feel her warm wet pussy hugging your cock, this should have a flow-on effect and provide you with the necessary gumption to finish the job.

(2) If you feel desensitized, take a break. Too much friction can bombard your nerve endings, leaving your cock feeling numb and angry. Put him on the bench for a little while and let the sensation come back. If this happens within the setting of a booking with an escort, try not to think about the clock. It will only make you feel anxious and under the pump. Don’t think of a break as a waste of time, because it might very well be worth it in the long run. It’s a time to change tack. Could you ask her to slip into something more sexy for you? This gives you a moment alone to regroup and compose yourself, and also gives you a new visual stimulus that might spark something in the temperamental one down below. Or maybe take a break from sex and ask her for a lap-dance. Don’t underestimate the power of the tease. It might be just what your flailing boner needs, to come back with a raging vengeance. Or how about my go-to move from the play-book; stop what you’re doing, leave your cock well enough alone, go back to square one and start making out like two horny teenagers. It’s tried and true; simple yet effective. A good passionate make-out sesh can slowly build your cock up to right where he needs to be. Remember… Patience is key.

(3) If something isn’t working, take the condom off and let her work her magic with her hands for a little while. A skilled escort will know how to stroke you just right to get you rock-hard. Just trust her and give her the reigns (and a bottle of lube). She knows what she’s doing. And while she’s going at it, try to get your head back in the game. Focus on her breasts brushing up against you as she handles your cock. Watch the expression on her face as she is mesmerised by the sight of you. Take a peek in the mirror and admire her bum from behind. Worrying about whether or not your erection is coming back is nothing but counter-productive. Instead, let your mind wander to more entertaining things. And while we’re on the subject of things that pop into your mind, is there something I’m not doing yet that you wish I would? Maybe you get really revved up by me nibbling on your nipples? Do you love it when I tickle your balls? Or is it a bit of dirty talk you have a hankering for tonight? Let me know babe. I’ve got you.

(4) Let gravity be your friend. Don’t ask her to jump on top if you only have a semi-hard-on. She’ll have to fight against Isaac Newton himself. Instead, with you on top, and gravity doing its job, your cock will at least be heading in the right direction. And with the laws of physics on his side, he should be able to breech the holy gates of her parted lips. Perhaps the extra excitement of being inside her will get him over the line into full-on cement status.

(5) Don’t apologise. Don’t worry about reassuring the woman that it’s not her. We know that. We’re not taking it personally. This isn’t the first time this has happened to us and we know it’s probably not because you’re not attracted to us. Please don’t feel as though you owe us an explanation because I promise you, we’re not nearly as preoccupied with it as you think we are. It’s not a big deal. Rather than dwelling on it, let’s just move on and keep going. Our arousal didn’t switch off just because your cock isn’t awake yet. Use the rest of the tools in your belt. We’re still wet and waiting. Use your fingers. Use your tongue. Don’t just pack up and go home. We still want you, and you’ve still got work to do. Get to it, Mister! Less talky-talky, more licky-licky.

Men of all ages and at all stages of their life will have issues with the man below from time to time. But the critical thing, is to not let it ruin your fun. Don’t let it hold you back. I’ve seen it all, and nothing disappoints me as long as we have the right attitude about it and can handle it like a team. Provided that it was not self-inflicted (i.e. the result of intoxication with recreational drugs or alcohol), then I’m more than happy to experiment with you until we figure out what works. It’s not the end of the world, or worse still, the end of our sex session. There’s a whole Erection-Encyclopaedia full of options that we can still try. Sometimes our bodies work against us, but there is more to sexual satisfaction and fulfilment than the conventional operation of our machinery. When things don’t go to plan, it’s just time to try something else.

Don’t be so hard on yourself guys. (No pun intended).


Jasmine x


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