I don’t consider myself an expert on dating, by any means. After all I am a happily single girl. However, I do feel that I am in a unique position to offer some advice on dating, given that each one of my bookings is essentially like a mini date. The courtship during a date in the real world is not completely unlike the courtship that unfolds during a booking. It’s just that within the realm of escorting, it occurs at a very accelerated rate.
When it comes to dating, like many girls, I have experienced the whole spectrum of encounters. Everything ranging from the magical… to the just plain disastrous. But I think the construct of “what women want” is almost universal when it comes to dating. So, I’m about to impart some pearls of wisdom that I have cultivated after painstaking introspection of my own dating history, and also from my experiences as an escort.
In saying that, if you are a man who is only after a quick shag, then this blog is not for you. When I say “dating tips,” I do not mean, “tips to make a girl drop her panties.” If you’re not ready for commitment and you’re only after some no-strings-attached fun, you have two options:
(a) Pursue women who are similarly only after some fun, or
(b) Book an escort.
(By the way, the latter is significantly less messy and more convenient than the former). Notice that I did not list an option (c), where you waste a woman’s time, being fully aware that she is seeking more than just sex. For the record, that would be considered totally unfair and a dick-move by all accounts.
But for those of you, genuinely looking for love, this one’s for you!
1) Smile with Your Teeth
Happiness is attractive! Whether it’s a guy I’m scrolling past online, or a guy staring at me from across the bar, if he’s flashing me those pearly whites, I’m going to be immediately more attracted to him. It’s not about perfect teeth though, it’s about perfect joy. Women will gravitate towards a man who is genuinely enjoying life. If you’ve been dating a girl for a little while, and it’s time to exchange photos during your workday because you’re starting to miss each other, try sending a pic of your smile… not of your dick. I know it’s been said a million times before, but we really truly do not want to see a dick-pic during the beginning phases of dating (even less so if we haven’t even experienced your cock in real life yet). If we want one, we will ask for it. But there are other things we want to see in a man at this point in time. So, show her your smile guys, because it is infinitely sexier than your dick. Point blank, period.
2) Sell Yourself
No, I don’t mean literally sell yourself for money (that’s my job). Sell what makes you, YOU. What are your strengths? Are you family-oriented? Do you have a great sense of humour? Have you worked your way up the career ladder? Do you like to rescue kittens from burning buildings in your spare time? Figure out what your best qualities are and share them with her during the getting-to-know-you phase of dating. If your qualities align with what she’s looking for, then you’re one step closer to winning her heart. (Please note that the money you earn, the car you drive, and the people you know, are not the selling points we want to hear about. Dig a little deeper).
3) Listen
Like REALLY listen. Women like attention. So ask her questions, and then ask follow-up questions relating to her answer. I can’t believe I have to say this, but put your phone away! It’s not just the younger generation that are guilty of this either. If you’re on a date, then your focus should be on her, (and hers on you). Your phone can wait. Otherwise you might as well have stayed at home. For online dating, be sure to verbalise an actual response when she answers your questions. Don’t just ask another question about a new topic every time, because it’ll start feeling more like an interview and less like a conversation. But ideally you want a minimal amount of back and forth via messages. Just enough to establish a little bit of trust, so that she agrees to meet you in person. My advice is not to waste too much time chatting online because it’s face-to-face where conversations feel real, and where you can get down to the nitty gritty of who this person is. Like a lot of women, I’m sceptical of developing feelings for someone that I haven’t met in real life yet, because during messages they have ample time to filter their responses and censor what they want to say. You’re seeing the person how they want to be portrayed, rather than how they genuinely are. Nothing beats in-person chemistry and sincere imperfect off-the-cuff conversations.
4) Be a Gentleman
If in doubt, always go old-school. Open the door for her, pull her chair out, complement her, look her in the eyes, pick up the cheque after dinner, go to some effort with your hygiene and presentation, show up on time, show her respect. You’re trying to impress this girl, right? Don’t be afraid to go the extra mile. It will set you apart from the rest. A lack of effort is boring, and it doesn’t make you look “cool,” it just seems lazy and like you’re not invested. If you’re taking a lady out to dinner, just remember that manners never go out of style. I’ve been out with guys who were sweet-as-pie to me, but then they’d turn around and be absolute knob-heads to the wait-staff. Being rude and condescending is embarrassing and a huge turn off. If you treat those around you like your servants, then you probably won’t get a second date.
5) Put Your Cards on the Table
Women like transparency, so make your intentions clear. Do approach her. And do make the first move. But skip the small talk (especially if she’s with her friends). If a lady catches your eye in a bar, be bold and direct. Try something like, “Hi, I’m John and I’d really like to take you on a date some time.” Your forwardness and lack of game-playing will set the wheels in motion and she will have a split second to decide whether she wants to get on that train before it leaves the station. This is likely to be a breath of fresh air after all the guys who don’t really seem to know what they want (the ones that hit her with the old “do ya wanna maybe hang out sometime?”) Your assertiveness will give you an edge that cuts through all the fluff. At this point, if she finds you physically attractive, or if you have that certain je ne sais quoi that makes her want to know more, she will agree to exchange numbers and you will be well on your way. If she declines, then shake it off and move on. It wasn’t meant to be. But let’s say this girl is not someone you’ve only just met. Let’s say you’ve developed a bit of a crush on a girl in your workplace (do people still say “crush” these days?) The longer you stay in the friend-zone, the more difficult it will be to get out. So bite the bullet and just ask her out. What have you got to lose? If she declines then it’ll be forgotten about within a week or two and it’s back to business as usual. No harm, no foul. But suppose she feels the same way you do? Then your fairy-tale awaits! Once you’ve been on a couple of dates, you should let her know that you’re ready to settle down. In a world of “fuckboys” and commitment-phobes, this sincerity gives you the upper hand. But if at some point you realise you’re just not feeling it, don’t tell her you’ll call her when you won’t. No one like to wait by the phone. And don’t hit her with the “I think we should just be friends” line either. Be honest, yet gentle: “I had a really nice time with you tonight but I’m just not feeling a spark.” Or “you’re a really great girl, but I just don’t think we’re compatible.” The fallout from a bruised ego will be easier for her to deal with than you stringing her along and playing games with her feelings for the weeks or months to follow.
6) Confidence is Key
It’s cliché, I know. But if dating is the lock, then confidence is the well-oiled key. The list of platitudes goes on and on… Know yourself. Be yourself. Believe in yourself. Love yourself before you can love someone else... Yada yada yada. But there’s a reason we’ve all heard these sayings before. There’s so much truth to them. One of the reasons I despise Tinder, is because for me, a two-dimensional photograph is not enough to inspire a real attraction to a man. Women often need more than a motionless image. I need to see how you carry yourself, I need to watch your body language, I need to hear your voice. Without these pieces of the puzzle, I’m really not that interested (or certainly not interested enough to change out of my trackie pants and actually come to meet you). But in the real world (away from the confines of an iPhone screen) I am immediately drawn to men who hold themselves high. Self-assurance… Confidence… Maybe just a dash of cockiness thrown in for good measure… These are incredibly sexy qualities. We all know that most girls like tall guys, right? Girls seem to be obsessed with height lately. But in my opinion, I don’t actually think we’re all that shallow. I think what it’s actually about is desiring someone who holds himself tall. When I think back to a booking with a particular client, it’s not his actual height that made him seem tall and masculine. In actual fact, he was a man of average height. Yet he seemed so much taller because of his commanding presence. So you see, in your lady’s eyes you can be the tallest guy in the room, without even being that tall at all.
7) Slow Down
I know you think this woman is gorgeous and amazing and you can’t stop picturing her naked. But if you don’t want to blow it (and if you want her to eventually blow you) then you need to pump the breaks. Yes, we live in an over-sexualised society. Yes, sex is the greatest fucking thing ever. Yes, the way she looks in that dress is making your dick harder than cement. But have patience grasshopper. Trying to get her into bed too early might scare her away, or make her think that you’re “just like all the rest.” Don’t shoot yourself in the foot (or in the cock for that matter). Asking her for nudes is selfish and although it serves your purpose, it does nothing at all for her. Even if she caves in and sends you some, I promise you that she doesn’t feel very positive about it. It’s not the empowering or flattering exercise you think it is. Don’t pressure her. Instead, let her know that she’s worth the wait.
8) Ask the Right Questions
It’s not all about making her want you. Make sure you ask yourself if you really want her. It’s in a man’s biological make-up to get caught up in the chase. But be sure that the girl you are chasing is really the one for you. You can save both parties a lot of time and energy by using the getting-to-know-you phase to ask the big questions. There’s no point going any further if you’re not compatible, right? Some questions you might want to ask are: What are your short-term goals? What are your long-term goals? How do you feel about marriage/children? What are your religious beliefs? What is your relationship like with your family? What do you think of me so far? How do you feel about me so far? You can ask these questions from the get-go. In fact, you can start from the very first date. No, it will not scare her off. It is the very purpose of dating. Dating is all about getting to know these things. Don’t beat around the bush. Because us girls want to know the answers to these questions too. I promise we will not interpret these questions to mean that you’re trying to get down on one knee right then and there. It will however, show us that you take dating seriously and that you genuinely want to find a partner. Asking these questions also tells her that it’s not a case of “anyone will do.” Show her that you’re not looking for just any one, you’re looking for The One; that it’s not about settling down with whoever happens to be around at the right time, but instead that she has been specifically and carefully chosen by you.
9) Be Romantic
Women have longed for romance since the beginning of time. And despite our crazy modern world, nothing has really changed. We still want romance. We don’t want to hear, “I don’t know, what do you wanna do?” We want you to plan an actual date. Make her feel special. Have an idea, and then some follow-up ideas. If you’re not sure, stick to the classics: dinner and a movie, or ice-cream and a walk along the beach, or a late-night drive up the hills to look at the stars. They’re tried and true. I’m sure the feminists are cursing me right now, but most of us girls still have that old-fashioned desire for a man to take charge. So don’t leave it up to her to plan the first date. It’s a great opportunity to show us how thoughtful you are. For a grown-up woman, “Netflix and Chill” is not an appropriate first-date option (not unless a one-night stand was what you both had in mind). However, cooking for her at your house followed by cuddles and a chat? Perfect! Remember that it’s the little things that capture her heart. The way you look at her. The way you smile at her. The subtle touches. In fact, those first few touches with a new love interest can be absolutely electric. Touch the small of her back as you guide her through the door, sit close to her, graze her hand as you’re walking side by side, kiss her on the cheek, wipe that bit of barbecue sauce off her lip. These small gestures will not go unnoticed. You’re sure to have butterflies fluttering around her stomach and her heart beating out of her chest at the very thought of your proximity to her body. Just remember that sex is a short-sighted goal. Don’t let it detract from the end-goal of developing a meaningful connection with this person. However, if you haven’t pressured her into it, and she is equally ready for sex, then please don’t underestimate how important the right atmosphere is to us girls. It takes one minute to light a couple candles and chuck on some music. But it makes all the difference.
10) The Last Place You Look
Where do you look for love? In our ever-changing fast-paced lives, it can be really hard to meet someone. There’s no doubt that online platforms (Tinder, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony etc.) do work for a lot of people. But admittedly I do prefer the idea of meeting someone in a more organic way. As the old adage goes “it’ll happen when you least expect it.” It could be a new colleague in the office, a friend of a friend, someone you used to go to school with, or someone you bump into at the petrol station. Be open to love wherever it may find you. But at the end of the day, if they’re the right person for you then who really cares how you met them? You can always fabricate a cute story to tell the grand-children, right? As with all things: love will be found in the last place you look. And by that, I mean that once you find it, you literally need to stop looking. Grab onto it and hold it with both hands, because having a wandering eye is a sure-fast way to make you lose the love you found.
Thanks for reading guys! I hope this has helped at least one or two of you.
Love is a beautiful thing and each and every one of us deserves it!
J. xx
