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  • Jasmine Lane

The Flaw in the Grand Design

Updated: Jul 11

There’s a meme that’s been doing the rounds lately and it always makes me giggle a little…


“Imagine if women had to orgasm in order to get pregnant by men.

There would be like 8 people in the world.”


Okay so it might be a slight exaggeration. But imagine if that were true. Take a second to think about how we measure the end of a sex session… Are we finished when the woman reaches orgasm? Or does it end when the man gets there? More often than not, it’s of course the male climax that signifies the point of completion. That’s how we recognise that we have achieved success in sex, and we can check it off as being “done.”


But how did this widely accepted phenomenon come about? Why is the female orgasm a take-it-or-leave-it parameter? I have witnessed first-hand that many of you gentleman do make it your agenda to ensure the woman also receives pleasure, but why isn’t the woman’s pleasure a priority each and every time for each and every man. Why is sex much more male-centric?


Is it because women don’t enjoy sex as much as men?

Nope, there are twice as many nerve endings in the clitoris as there are in the penis. If anything, we have a greater capacity for sexual pleasure. Guess again…


Is it because women don’t need sex as much as men?

Absolutely not! We have hormones and desires just like you. We are biologically wired to need sex just as bad as you do. Try again.


Is it because a woman’s orgasm is just that much harder to achieve?

Ding ding ding, we have a winner! I think this is why sex is so often tailored towards the male orgasm. Because a male orgasm is usually a sure-thing. A woman's orgasm is often hit-or-miss and so sadly we place less importance on it.


Women are complex. Our desires change on any given day, even from minute to minute. That thing you did last night that sent shivers throughout my body, might just irritate me if you try it again today. I don’t know what I want, any more than you know what I want. We are incredibly unpredictable creatures, and unfortunately many women just give up. They don’t take control of their own orgasms. They don’t recognise that they have just as much right to cum, as their man does. They become resigned to just letting sex happen to them, rather than grabbing sex by the balls and making it happen for them.


As the illustrious Samantha Jones once said, “when I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to cum.” A woman has to take some ownership when it comes to her orgasm. It’s just as much her responsibility as it is the man’s. And there are things she can do to make sure she gets there. She needs to get in the right frame of mind; she should put some effort into visualising and fantasising the sexual acts that are happening to her in that very moment; she should open herself up to the man and shut off any distracting thoughts; she should feel sexy and desirable and truly believe in her powers of seduction; she should angle her hips in a way that hits just the right spot; she should meet her man in the middle, both emotionally and physically; and most importantly, she should squeeze those pelvic floor muscles to guide the orgasm out of her. A woman can do so much to pleasure herself, just by tightening and relaxing her pussy rhythmically as her man lends a touch here and there to help things along.


But women everywhere are being cheated out of fulfilling sex just because our bodies are a little trickier to fandangle. It seems like a terrible oversight, doesn’t it? Why didn’t the powers-that-be just design us so that there is a button directly inside the vagina. You put the penis in, it presses the button, she cums. Boom! What a magical world we would live in. Equal sexual gratification for all!


In reality, men and women are just not anatomically built to fit each other. Only 18% of women can cum from penetration alone, the rest of us require clitoral stimulation. But here’s the punchline: the clitoris, is on the outside of the vagina. Yet the man has to put his dick inside. The clitoris gets little to no contact from penetrative sex. And personally, grinding while I’m on top of you, is not the sensation my poor little clit is wanting. She needs finesse; a gentle touch… not to be caught between a rock and a hard place.


Was God (or whoever) sleeping on the job when he was designing our anatomy? Or is this His idea of a joke? Is he sitting back now, laughing at us; mocking us for our failed attempts to achieve any level of sexual satisfaction? “Look at these silly women. They’re so frustrated. They have all this sexual energy, and all the menfolk want to do is poke them in the wrong spot. Mwahahaha [evil laugh].”

Well challenge accepted! I can promise you, I am not a woman who will ever give up on sex. I try my damnedest to orgasm whenever possible. I’m doing my part to fight the good fight. But sometimes it’s a battle I just can’t win. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve laid there staring up at the ceiling cursing the irony of it all. What a miscarriage of justice! What a cruel game! I demand to speak to the Manager!


But recently, a client of mine postulated a very interesting theory… And this might actually blow your mind, because it certainly changed my perspective.


Perhaps whoever created us this way, knew exactly what they were doing. Yes, there appears to be a flaw in the design, but what if it was actually done on purpose? What if we were built like this to encourage us to explore our bodies? To promote experimentation with sex. To help us enjoy sex for more than just a baby-making endeavour. Maybe we were built for pleasure, just as much as we were built to procreate. And by that token, sex is actually not wrong or corrupt at all. It’s a wonderful, beautiful, healthy and positive past-time to engage in! What if pleasuring the female form is supposed to be difficult, so that it spurs us on to keep trying new ways to discover it? We are a lock with many many keys. Shouldn’t we try a variety of keys to see what beautiful doors they open up? Were we made to be tricky, just so that you get to experience the wonders of working at it?


If it were as easy as pressing a button, we wouldn’t have nearly as much fun figuring out ways to pleasure each other. When it comes to orgasms, it’s just as much about the journey as it is about the destination… Let’s try to enjoy the trip as much (if not more) as what's waiting for us when we get there.


Just something to think about…


Miss Lane xx




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