The sex industry gets a bad wrap. Our society seems to be inherently xenophobic: we have a fear of the unknown. The average suburban housewife might assume that the sex industry is a dark and twisted underworld of debauchery and degradation. She is also probably mistaken in thinking that her husband would never visit a sex worker. It's even possible that one of her close girlfriends is an undercover escort and she has no idea at all. The reason many of us working girls conceal our identities, use "stage names" and hide our faces in photos, is not because we are ashamed of the work we do, but simply because our society has not advanced enough to the point where people respect or value the service we provide. With a gradual shift towards sexual expression and with open relationships and threesomes on the way in and monogamy on the way out, you would think that acceptance of the sex industry would be a natural progression. While there seems to be a slow movement towards destigmatizing sex work, we definitely have a long way to go. Many of us ladies would love to be "out and proud," yet we maintain our anonymity out of necessity and a fear that we will be judged and persecuted by friends, family and strangers alike. The punters who access our services can probably also relate to feeling like they have to hide and deny this part of their life. But there's a reason why prostitution is the oldest industry on Earth... Supply and Demand. There will always be a demand for sex, and there will always be someone willing and able to supply it. Why then, are we conditioned to feel so guilty about our involvement in what is essentially just another service industry? (albeit a very exciting one).
This blog discusses the other side of the sex industry. I suggest that escorts, (rather than being a scourge on society), can actually do a lot of good for mankind - a bold statement I know! And here's an even bolder one: Escorts Save Marriages. Allow me to explain myself... Before I was an escort, I used to have an idealised (if somewhat naive) view of marriage. To me it was black and white, there was no grey area when it came to cheating. Let's just say, I am not so disillusioned now given the number of married men I have slept with. My new stance is that once I get married, if my husband has to cheat, I'd rather he cheated with an escort. When a married man has sex with an escort, it is a somewhat healthy outlet for whatever he is craving, and it is definitely the lesser of two evils when compared with an emotional affair or full-blown relationship with another woman. After all, accusing an escort of wanting to steal your husband, is like accusing a childcare worker of wanting to steal your child. I believe the emotional fallout of a man cheating with a professional, would be far less damaging than if he cheated with a woman from his personal life, and the risks to your sexual health are probably far less too (assuming that she does her job right and practices safe sex).
While some married men seek out escorts just because they can, more often than not, they have a genuine reason for doing so (whether their wife believes it to be a justified reason or not). The number one reason (and I hear this so often), is that their wife has "gone off sex" since becoming a mother. And I'm not talking about immediately after giving birth (because that's fair enough really). I'm talking about when the kids are 3 or 4 years old already. The husbands are describing that the wives are so busy being a mum that they forget to be a wife and they neglect their husband. The saddest thing is that these men don't really want to fuck me, they want to fuck their wives! I've heard that it is common for the wife to develop a "Madonna/whore complex," where they can either be a wholesome mother, or they can be a sexual being; but they cannot be both. But I can totally understand the wife's side of it too. Some of these men won't lift a finger to help around the house. Their wife takes care of the children, cleans the house and slaves away in the kitchen, maybe even holds down her own career as well, only to have her husband roll into bed and give her that pestering nudge in the back to initiate sex. But ladies, if you have a man that loves you and is attracted to you, Please Fuck Him! Fuck your husband! (Or maybe don't... that advice might put me out of business).
If having kids is the number one culprit for ruining a sex life, then menopause is the second most common culprit. It's an unfortunate flaw in the genetic design. While a woman's libido has a limited shelf life, a man will usually continue wanting sex up until his last breath (maybe even after that - scientists should investigate). Some incredibly gracious wives turn the other cheek and allow their husbands to visit escorts to provide what they no longer can. And some men just do it anyway, unbeknownst to their wives.
Believe it or not, some married men don't come for the sex. They come for a friendly ear to listen to them, to ask how their day was, to provide support, encouragement and a bit of ego fluffing. While his wife does nothing but nag him and harp on about the daily stresses of life, an escort provides an oasis of tenderness and compassion. Sometimes it's less about the little head, and more about the big head. Spending time with an escort can be therapeutic and cathartic, and the eroticism is often just a bonus.
One of the sweetest reasons I've heard for cheating on your wife with an escort, was from a young newlywed who wanted to gain some more experience in the bedroom so that he could pleasure his new wife and make her as happy as she makes him. While I'm not sure if his wife would see it this way, I have to admire the sentiment (or at least his tenacity). Many married men also visit me to help with their confidence or with sexual performance issues such as premature ejaculation or problems maintaining an erection. As the old adage goes, "practice makes perfect." I'm only too happy to help.
I think many wives assume that their own conservativeness in the bedroom was the reason why their husband turned to an escort. They think that he sought a sex worker out for the kinky stuff. However, it's rarely all whips and chains (in fact many escorts like myself don't offer bondage or BDSM at all). Mostly it's just normal people looking for normal connections - a bit of human touch. The bottom line is that men have needs, and usually these needs are along the lines of sexual gratification, validation, attention or affection. If these needs are not met within his marriage, it is conceivable that he will look to fulfil them elsewhere.
I'm a huge Samantha X fan. She has a beautiful and honest way of explaining why married men would seek out her services, without placing blame on the wives - just in a purely objective and informative way. Here's what Jasmine Lane would say to the wives: We don't set out to be home-wreckers. We don't want to tear your marriage apart. If anything we want to help our clients in their relationships and in any other aspect of their lives. We send him home to you refreshed, reenergised, and ready to face the world. We give him the patience to keep plugging along with his marriage and the pressures of being the head of a household. Without us, he may have thrown in the towel a long time ago. Does it sometimes play on my mind that the man between my legs is somebody else's husband?... Sure. But if he wasn't doing it with me, he would be doing it with someone else. I didn't create the need, I only fulfilled it. And I didn't make a vow of commitment to you, he did. I sleep soundly at night knowing that I have done my job to the best of my ability and hopefully brought some peace and happiness to a hardworking man.
For the most part, the escorts I have met have a heart of gold. They are not vapid money-hungry extortionists, breaking hearts and taking names. Nor are they degenerate crack-addicts with daddy issues, as the media would have us believe. Instead, they are mostly just women who enjoy making men feel good about themselves, and who happen to be quite skilled at making men happy. And if you still aren't buying my argument that escorts can benefit our society, just remember that many of us pay an exorbitant amount of taxes, so that's a worthy contribution at least isn't it? I can only hope that as we become more comfortable talking openly about sex and sexuality, those who are involved in the sex industry will one day be able to coexist openly and in peace with those "regular folk" who have never dipped their toe in the delightful depths of sex work. But for now, I will have to continue to bite my tongue when my friends and family make disparaging comments about escorts. Little do they know, there's an escort sitting right under their noses.
Jasmine Lane x